I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
