In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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