Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
