i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
