did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
