I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
