I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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