Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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