it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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