I need help removing her.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i have herpe
just one?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
