mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize