if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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