My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
pray to the hookup gods
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
