i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
