A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
