I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
