someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
