is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
