And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
