Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize