I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wear drunk well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
