with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
