Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
