do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
