i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
