I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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