So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
