Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize