eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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