I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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