You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
