You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
