you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
