Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
