I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
