somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
