you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
