sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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