a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i now understand why vodka
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
