i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A+ Viking dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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