is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
