yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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