If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
