My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
