in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
