I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
