I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
