So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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