If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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