We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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