woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
