I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize