i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
