Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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