My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
