I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
