sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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