her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
