every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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