when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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