You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize