I murdered the dance floor call the cops
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
