no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
