I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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