24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
