I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
