I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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