CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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