There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
