He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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