My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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