He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
