yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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