No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
