sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
