You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
